For your eyes only; The art of ageing

An extra number because someone wise asked me a question

Someone recently asked me how I feel about ageing – aesthetically and mentally.

What do we gain, and what do we lose?

It’s a question I’ve carried for a long time. In conversations with others. In quiet, stubborn thoughts I couldn’t quite put words to.

For years, my perspective on ageing circled around the exterior. And that, in itself, says a lot. We talk about self-realization, yet often leave the self behind.

In the worlds we move through – dinners, feeds, wellness studios – the old currency still rules: smoother skin wins, thinness is virtue, and silence is safer than disagreement. But these patterns don’t just exist – they spread. Body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, and performative lifestyles are contagious. Not metaphorically, but literally. Social science backs it, and lived experience confirms it.

I know this because I lived it.

For many years, I struggled with eating disorders and addiction. Even while actively seeking out therapy and communities that were meant to support healing, something was always off. A subtle undertone of judgement. Of hierarchy. Of needing to stay small – physically, emotionally, even spiritually – to be accepted.

Despite all my efforts, I couldn’t quite find peace with myself.

And if I’m honest, I wasn’t always the version of me I wanted to be in relation to others either. Something felt out of tune. Like I was trying, but being pulled off track by old expectations. My own. Others’. The culture’s.

That friction has quieted. Not completely – but enough that I notice the space it left behind.

In that space, something else is taking root:

Clarity.

Confidence.

Joy.

I’ve made choices. Quiet but firm ones. I’ve walked away from conversations that drain me. I no longer feel the need to explain my boundaries – I just hold them. And the people I surround myself with today? They are kind, clear, loyal. They think for themselves and speak from that place – not to provoke, but because it matters to stand for something.

There’s a kind of peace in being with people who choose you, but who are also unafraid to walk away from what doesn’t align.

That’s not drama. That’s discernment.

And that’s what I want to model – for myself, my children, and the world I move in. I don’t miss youth. It felt loud and chaotic and full of pressure. I feel more rooted now. More myself. It hasn’t always been easy, especially in my relationship to my body – the changes, the energy, the shifts. But there’s also a stillness in it. A rhythm that finally feels honest.

This version of me isn’t perfect. But she’s mine. And I like her.

What do I do, practically?

I have a Pinterest folder called Ageing.

It’s filled with images of people who age with beauty, yes – but more than that: with character, distinction, individuality. It gently teaches my algorithm what I want to see more of.

• I avoid content that revolves around trends or endless self-optimization. It drains me. I want nourishment, not noise.

• I focus on the company I keep. In work, in friendships, in digital spaces.

• I’m drawn to those who are honest and warm. Who’ve made up their own minds. Who say what they mean without softening every edge. Not to stir conflict – but to stand steady. There’s a difference between having values and being confrontational. One says, “I know who I am.” The other says, “I need you to know who I’m not.”

• I’ve outgrown the need to prove anything. And I’m no longer interested in spaces that pretend to be connection but run on gossip or silent competition. That’s not my fight anymore.

I truly believe the best is still ahead.

ROLE MODELS - in the spirit of ageing

1. Julianne Moore

Always elegant, with porcelain-like skin and an inner sense of integrity that shines through in everything she does. Her presence feels mature and confident—both on screen and in style.

2. Tilda Swinton

An art form in herself. Tilda moves between film, fashion, and performance with an almost otherworldly grace. Her beauty isn’t ornamental—it’s architectural. She wears time like she wears clothing: with intelligence, intent, and quiet power.

3. Sofia Coppola

Filmmaker and master of visual poetry. Her films (Lost in Translation, Marie Antoinette, Priscilla) reflect the same soft, feminine precision found in her wardrobe—understated luxury, never loud.

4. Robin Wright

From House of Cards to interviews where she speaks honestly about aging. Her beauty has matured with grace, and her style is classic, slightly androgynous at times, always grounded.

5. Tasha Tilberg

Canadian model who transitioned from 90s icon to grounded, grown woman with sharp, natural beauty. She ages beautifully and without filters.

6. Lauren Hutton

Supermodel who never hid the gap between her teeth—and never stopped being relevant. Now a face of mature beauty and relaxed style.

7. Fran Lebowitz

The sharpest mind in a tailored blazer. Fran doesn’t bend to trends—she observes them with biting wit and a cigarette in hand. Her style is consistent, her voice unmistakable, and her refusal to conform is, in itself, a kind of elegance.

8. Andie MacDowell

Now an icon for gray hair and natural beauty after 60. Often smiling—an underrated trait. Her aesthetic is warm, feminine, and life-affirming.

9. Cate Blanchett

Theatrical yet restrained, regal yet relatable. Cate moves between red carpet glamour and intellectual minimalism with equal ease. She embodies the kind of grace that feels born of self-knowledge.

10. Gilligan Andersson

From Agent Scully to Margaret Thatcher, Gillian Anderson has mastered transformation without losing authenticity. There’s a softness to her stillness, a presence that feels both modern and mature. Whether in silk or speech, she carries thoughtfulness like a signature scent.

So if I were to tie this up. Right now, I’m in the thick of everyday life – raising kids, navigating work, keeping things running. Trying to stay healthy without obsessing about it, because so much is outside our control.

I’m trying to be present, which is the hardest thing I know – but also the most meaningful.

Dog helps

House and Gardering helps

Books help

Tea helps

Friends help

And thoughtful questions from a reader, So thank you – this one mattered.

Have a nice Friday

/ Julia